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  • The Guys In The Kitchen

WINDRUSH: Gov targets ‘white wrinklies’.

The UK Government immigration scandal - known as ‘Windrush’ after the craft that baby Moses used to traverse the Atlantic and discover India in 1492 - plumbed new depths of shame yesterday.

'Windrush' moses basket in British Museum.

Papers obtained under a Freedom Of Information Act request filed by immigration action group, AARSE (Action Against Rendition and Status Erasure), reveal that despite fresh Home Office promises to scale back immigration targeting, the Department is actually expanding and accelerating its ‘hostile environment’.

However, there is a twist:

New persons in Border Control crosshairs are not those from distant lands who may have arrived in recent times. In fact, they are aged, and often wrinkly white Britons, many of whom claim UK ancestral rights going back centuries. Proof of birth, UK passport, tax accounts, long-term mortgage accounts and even ownership of a golf club membership are insufficient to satisfy new DHO ‘proof of settled status’ rules.

24 hour pickup

Acting on data gleaned from the Department of Work and Pensions, Immigration police have been ruthlessly working around the clock, rounding up old, white pensioners across the nation. Those caught up in the largest immigration ‘trawl’ ever conducted in this country include accountants, doctors, retired judges, Rotarians and even a Beefeater who was forcibly removed from his ‘master’s cottage’ at the Tower of London late on Friday night.

RFN has discovered that in just the past month, 1,168,739 people have been hauled from their homes and places of work and locked away in temporary detention centres, (former Matalan stores). The personal devastation this has caused has been classed as ‘damn beastly’.

'Freeloading, criminal oldie'

Final solution

The reasons for the Government targeting of long-term residents, some of whom have their family names in the Domesday Book, were made clear yesterday by Barbara Leadsaw, Under Secretary to the Assistant Deputy Secretary for Speedy Removals. Standing outside DHO headquarters in London, she said, “Just because someone has patchy records that go back more than 1000 years, that does not mean they have a future right to stay in the UK.”

Waving a sheaf of papers, she went on; “We were recently alerted that there were an alarming number of older residents in the country receiving Government financial support. This is a drain on the nation’s finances and DWP asked us to find a final solution to end the practice. Investigating the status of these people revealed gaping holes in their residential history. Missing documents from the periods of The War of The Roses, The Black Death and The Crusades were typical. This is a crime. Inability to show residential evidence for every year of one’s life in the UK – and those of the previous 25 generations – disqualifies the individual from the right to remain.”

Begone, you freeloading wrinklies

RFN asked where the unlucky millions would be sent once deported. Leadsaw said, “We are talking to a number of countries about accepting their citizens back. Ghana has been particularly helpful in this regard.”

It is understood that deportations are already underway and that the assets of those removed will be sold, with the proceeds used to refurbish The Palace of Westminster and erect a series of simply super luxury flats in the Borough of Lambeth.

Barbara Leadsaw is a C*unt.

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