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  • The Guys In The Kitchen

THAT’S THE WAY TO DO IT! Punch & Judy man is nazi war criminal.

Just before dawn on Wednesday, armed officers from the Sussex Police Dangerous Criminals Unit raided a cottage on the outskirts of Eastbourne. Their target - a big time, wartime Nazi.

Within seconds of bursting into the property, a forcible entry requiring the use of flash grenades and shooting the household dog, the 43-man police group had secured their man: 98 years old Ron Parfitt, AKA Josef Lederer, the infamous ‘Punisher of Poland’.

Punisher punished - Lederer in custody.

Once the scourge of all non-aryans living east of the Oder river, Lederer had lived a quiet life in this sedate seaside community for the past 55 years and until only two years ago, had operated the seafront Punch and Judy show each summer with shows at 1.00 and 3.00pm. Time Out South Coast had called his act a ‘delight’.

Brat worst

As Lederer was hauled from the house, clutching a string of fake sausages, he yelled out in German to his wife, Judy, 74. His high-pitched voice made understanding difficult, but RFN's roving translator believes the genocidist said, “where's the baby?”

In less than an a hour, only forensics personnel remained at the premises, as they conducted a search for tasty evidence and munched on delicious scones made by Ms. Parfitt. One notable item in a clear evidence bag seen by our reporter was a large, wooden club that Lederer was said to have used as recently as 2017 as he continued to practice his evil work.

Paraguay gave Lederer boils.

Racist bastards

RFN's call to the offices of famous nazi-hunter Simon Weisenthal yesterday went unanswered, however, we did manage to catch an opinion from somebody called Yanni who works in the café at the Imperial War Museum in central London.

Between shifts, he told us, “Yeh, well, they is all racist bastards in’ they? Nazis everywhere, man. This geezer musta been a real big shit for the cops to drag ‘im in. They should string 'im up.”

Skin hell

A check on Wikipedia reveals that Lederer is allegedly complicit in the deaths of more than 500,000 people in Poland during 1942 to 1944. Sources within the high-security police centre where the alleged criminal is being held, told us that Lederer escaped Germany in 1946, travelling via Italy to Paraguay. However, he found the Latin nation’s climate gave him terrible boils, so in 1964 he entered the UK and established a base in East Sussex. He began the often-violent seafront show in 1969.

A press statement from Eastbourne Town Council was issued within 5 hours of the arrest. In it, they stated that Eastbourne did not condone genocide by any family entertainer unless in self-defence. A rigorous background check of all other seaside buskers has now begun.

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