• The Guys In The Kitchen

LEON NEASDEN: ‘Fancied mass murder’.

English-born movie star Leon Neasden, 31, shocked the entertainment world today when he said he had once been seeking large groups of people to murder.

Speaking at the Beverly Hills Hotel, whilst looking cool in one of his signature ‘killer’ jumpsuits, the actor seemed contrite as he recounted a period of angst in his not-so distant past.

“Yeh. I’d just been through major trauma. The squad of soldiers I was leading in “Hootanany in Horrorsville” had been wiped out by a frenzied mob of zombies. They'd fuckin' wasted us. I was the last one standing. It did my head in. The Director said I might have PTSD, but I just felt a deep sense of sorrow… and a lust for revenge.”

Neasden's mass-murdering cosh.

After wiping away special effects tears and having his makeup reapplied, the star of such mega-hits as “Bacon”, “Bacon 2” and “Shopper's List”, went on in a subdued tone.


“I’m not proud of it, but at the time, I just thought, ‘that’s it. I gotta do somethin'.’ I went out every night for a whole weekend, carrying a cosh and haunting the streets, just hoping that a huge group would come out of a bar, a coffee shop, a Walmart. Anywhere. I was thinking, ‘go on, you bastards, say something smart.’ I'd have mass murdered them all.”

Justified

Neasden’s press agent, Carly Pillcock, who was also present at the interview told RFN that, “Leon believed it was the right thing to do, and in a way, it was. If killing two or three hundred innocent bystanders could bring peace to his injured self, it would have been a loss worth incurring. People just have no idea how much pressure modern A-listers are under.”

No worries, mate

In Los Angeles for a pre-launch gab-fest in advance of the release of his latest flick, ‘Dead Plot', another gratuitous action film based on the motive of revenge, Neasden seemed unworried that his confession to a global news organisation could cause problems with his upcoming media roadshow. When we posed the question, he simply shrugged and half-smiled. “It’s in the past, man. No big deal. People fancy mass-murdering someone every day.”

A spokesperson for Shafted Films, the producers of ‘Dead Plot’, told us by telephone that the film's publicity program remained unchanged and that in future, we were not to call them, they would call us.

Leon Neasden is a Scorpio.

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