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  • The Guys In The Kitchen

DRACONIAN: Hard right group hit with harsh hashtag.

In response to their anti-immigrant and racist chants, UK right-wing action group Panzer Nine slammed with ‘punitive’ penalty by European Court of Human Rights.

'Uber Britsland'. Panzer Nine on the move yesterday.

They march in camo, paratrooper boots and crash hats. They carry baseball bats and knives. They hurl petrol bombs, fireworks, and racist abuse. They call for the removal of all non-whites from UK soil. They offer the Nazi straight arm salute and they honour the birthday of Adolf Hitler at the same time as they deny the Holocaust. Far, far right-wing political action group Panzer Nine are as close to 1930’s Germany’s Waffen SS as we are ever likely to see.

However, yesterday, for the first time, the voices of liberty, equality and freedom for all struck back. In a powerful ruling, the European Court of Human Rights ordered the white supremacist group to post a harsh hashtag against themselves on social media.

Viewed by many liberals as the first real blow against racial hatred, and expected to end 10,000 years of tribal conditioning overnight, #wearenotracistshonestlywearenot will be soon be trending high on Twitter, Facebook and Schnitzellein, the go-to source for shaved head fuckwits everywhere.

Robinson: "It's bollocks."


Reeling from this setback, Panzer Nine leader, and prospective MEP for West Bromwich in the West Midlands, Bobby Robinson, (real name John Paul George Ringo Lyndon), was aghast. Speaking to us from his Midlands HQ atop the Apollo Doner Kebab and Shish shop in Birmingham’s Quinton district, he said, “This is a blatant attack on our right to free speech. If we’re forced by an unelected group of social do-gooders to post this lie, how the fuck does that make our call to hang all the sambos and toss the pakis and jewboys on a bonfire look? It’s bollocks. We will appeal.”

Burn, baby burn

Robinson, recently freed from jail after being detained for refusing to comply with an order to ‘settle down with a nice girl and get a real job’ by his mother, went on to lead a march through the heavily immigrant Smallheath area of the city. Within minutes, the gathering became violent, with shopkeepers harassed and beaten and their premises set on fire.

Standing outside the blazing remains of what was once a sari shop, Robinson incited his followers to continue their mantra of hatred and cruelty. “They thought they could stop us, but they can’t. No fucking hashtag will halt this movement. This is only just kicking off. We’re coming. They might think it’s all over, but it ain’t. Uber Britsland! Burn those bastards down!”


A nearby observer for the human rights group Timid4Europe, Carol de Vorkt from the Netherlands shook her head in disbelief. “It doesn’t matter what we do. I thought the hashtag would stop them, but it isn’t working. We must ask the court to increase the penalty.”

RFN asked what kind of punishment she thought would be appropriate. She looked stern and said, “At the very least, P9 must be forced to post a brown faced emoji on their Instagram feed.”

Bald man

RFN called Home Secretary Sajid Javid for his comments on this call for enhanced punishment. Speaking through his assistant he told this newspaper that, ‘We must be careful how we use the rule of law to control rabid racism and anti-semitism in this country. Nobody is more committed to stamping this kind of behaviour out than I am, but this level of penalty may be a step too far. We will consult with the Attorney General and get back to you.”


Meanwhile, individual members of the British public, shocked at P9’s mockery of the sentence handed down to them took it upon themselves to hand out swift justice. Kenneth Barnes of the Village of Barnes near London hung a chain of black tulips from his upper bedroom window. “This is in solidarity with our minority brothers and sisters nationwide.” He told RFN.

Panzer Nine responded to this graphic retaliation within minutes of the flowers going on display. “What a cunt.” They said with a chortle.

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