FLU PANDEMIC: All human life extinct in 540,000 years.

OLYMPICS: London to host 2020 ‘super-high’ diving.

IMPEACHMENT: Trump cashes in 53 ‘get out jail free’ cards.

CORONAVIRUS: UK readies 5,000,000 cough drops.

TORY PLOTS: Best ditches selling like hot cakes.

HEATWAVE: Paris prepares for Apocalypse.

BORIS: The Nation flinches.

US 2020: Trump challenged by “Total douche”.

SPORT: F1 to compete with watching paint dry for TV viewers.

ON THE BRINK: Downed US plane almost triggers Armageddon.

TORY LEADERSHIP: Police called to home of Mr. Blobby in late night altercation.

TRUMPGATE: Leaked papers suggest US President "Guilty as sin".

EGGED ON: Police uncover huge anti-Farage missile cache.

CHANGE UK: ‘100% behind the status quo’.

TRUMP TAXES: The dog ate them.

“Animals? Really? What are they good for?”

WINDSOR-RUSH: Royal baby facing deportation.

SILLY CON VALLEY: Myface in huge bot scandal.

FLYING MISERY: Rogue droner in travel chaos!

PEOPLE’S VOTE: Corbyn agrees to 2nd ballot.

DEBENHAMS: Leaving oldies in the lurch.

DRACONIAN: Hard right group hit with harsh hashtag.

LYRA McKEE KILLING: UK leaders ‘shocked and grief stricken’.

PROTESTS: Extinction Rebellion dies out.